How are you?
” I’m fine”, as I responded to my friend with low tone & emotionless.
Yes, I admitted that I’m fine physically, made smile to new acquaintances & show off that everything works together well, but deep inside, I have a hard time.
I hardly to point out what are the reasons but my assumptions, probably from my succeeding failures, or disappointments or just a status quo.
I admitted that I felt hurt; when I was failed of a certain exam, denied by immigration and betrayed by a girl that we already set for our wedding.
Ouch! really I felt ouch! My heart broke again. The feeling inside me was dried up, my mind directionless, my body feels tired, the twinkle of my eyes getting weak and my face lazy to smile.
It seems life went wrong
and doubt getting strong.
My path was darker.
And my sights dimmer.
How can I go forth?
If my mountain is so high!
Only I can do is to sigh!
The joy of my heart departs, my hope slowly fades.
But when I about to give up.
GOD started working in me,
He restored the joy of my heart,
hope renewed and my faith refreshed.
My God is beyond my dificulties, my dificincies and my dreams.
As a matter of fact, God loves surprises.
He likes to write a colorful stories so that I have something new to share.
My Prayer in Psalm 139:1-18 and 23-24 refreshes me as it says;
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.*